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I am normally an optimistic person. But I think that is changing now.

It really sucks being single. That is not how I want to be living my life.

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And my friends who are single, while I love and respect them, reflect back to me what I cannot stand most about my life. We go out together, but we know we'd both rather be on a date with our girlfriend who does not exist. For physical needs from another person, I gets hugs, maybe lasting seconds, times or so a week when I see a friend.

That's a far cry from being held. It would be a little uncomfortable to attempt to hold hands with any of my friends even long term onesor cuddle to watch a movie must sit feet apartor make eye contact for that long even! I have good friends, but there is no one person who I talk with Hiwasseee a daily basis.

But I cannot stay home even though I love the comfort of home -- just sucks that it is alone or else I will not meet anyone. I SO miss having a girlfriend to go places with.

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And I have big things going on in my life that would be much better to go through with someone special consistently not just "check in" about once in a while with various friends. I am "primary" to no one. It makes no sense. I am in my 40s, live Hiwsasee SF, am good looking, healthy, fit, educated, employed, fun, smart, caring, kind, trustworthy, adventurous, actually love myself and know I deserve to be in a great relationship again, etc.

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But it's been over a year now and it seems there is NO ON E out there whether by meeting via online or via all the social things I do. Online I get replies from women who have terrible grammar, are only capable of writing sentences fragments or have trust issues and won't even leave their first name. And the of women who insist on "femme" only as if it's that black and white is getting really old.

And when I am out, I am just tired of the energy of "looking" for someone and hoping to meet someone, while seeing people already happily coupled together, like I used to be, and want to be again. I am not the kind of person to do a hook up, or to date someone just to "have someone". It's pretty tough lately. I am ok on my own and love being independent and spending time with just me, but I do that better when it's an option for me, in the context of being in a relationship -- something I sorely miss upon waking up, going to sleep, and on weekends I do see friends a lot, but it's not the same.

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It can be ongoing or a one time thing, doesn't matter to me. You need to come pick me up though, or there are certain days I can host. Looks aren't that important to me, just send a and we'll see how it goes.

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